19 Confidence Do’s & Don’ts I’ve Learnt From Those I Love Most

We all know confidence is a big competent of success – it’s the determinant of achievement, the drive that keeps you going. But we don’t always have as much confidence on hand as we need.

We each have within us some inner enemies that can quickly kill off our confidence. They drain our lives of potential and our purpose, and they fill us with deep regret. Left unchecked, they can unfortunately quickly erode our grandest plans and our noblest intentions.

Most people will tell you to “fake it till you make it” when it comes to confidence. But I am not a big believer in that belief. I don’t think you have to fake anything, because you already have within you what you need. You just have to discover the qualities that make you feel confident by connecting you with those inner resources, and lead from within.

Related: 4 Ways To Bolster Your Mental Toughness

See if you recognise any of these 12 confidence killers in your own life. If you do, you need to crush them now because your future depends on it.

1. Stop Feeling Unworthy

Self-confidence comes when you feel worthy of who you are and what you’re accomplishing–when you believe in yourself. When you think or say you’re in any way not good enough, you’re rejecting your own value. Combat these feelings by thinking of the things you appreciate about yourself.

2. Stop Constantly Overthinking

One of the worst enemies of confidence, overthinking leads to negativity. It twists things around, makes you worry, and makes everything appear so much worse than it actually is. When you give up overthinking you’ll be amazed to see how many problems it caused.

3. Stop Surrounding Yourself With Negative People

Some people think being alone makes you lonely, but for me being surrounded by the wrong people–and negative people in particular–is far lonelier. Negative thinkers will never do you any good, so stay far from them.

4. Stop Dramatising Everything

If you’re scripting negativity and trouble in your mind, drama is bound to result. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Whether you believe it or not, you have the power at any given moment to let go of the narrative so far and remind yourself that this is not how the story ends.

5. Stop Telling yourself You’re Not Smart Enough

Nothing hurts more than trying your best and still not feeling smart enough. To regain your confidence, you have to literally tell yourself, “I am smart enough to succeed. I already know a lot, and what I don’t know I will learn.” Each of us is smart in what we know–we just have to acknowledge it.

6. Stop Thinking That Good Things Only Happen to Other People

Why do we always think the grass is greener on the other side? The truth is, if you were to get the baggage of others you would likely be glad to give it back. You never know what other people are carrying, being grateful for the good things you do have and be patient for the rest. Maybe it’s your turn to be the good thing that happens to someone else right now.

7. Stop Living In The Past

What’s done is done, as the old saying goes. We all have decisions we might undo if we had a choice, good times we took for granted, events we wish we could have avoided. You can’t change the past, but find strength and hope in the fact that you can always change today.

8. Stop Counting Your Failures

We all fail sometimes – some more than others. It doesn’t make you unworthy or less intelligent. Remember, the only people who never fail are the ones who play it far too safe.

9. Stop Measuring Your Mistakes

Regaining confidence after a mistake can be tough, but try to redefine the terms. If you want your confidence back, learn to acknowledge and embrace failure, treat your mistakes as valuable lessons that teach you how to move on.

10. Stop Sabotaging Yourself

There are few things more self-defeating than negative talk or putting yourself down. Negative self-talk can be so pervasive that you can’t even hear it any more. Shut down your inner voice of fear and negativity and unworthiness – do this by asking yourself what about the situation is causing you to be so negative.

11. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

You will never believe in yourself as long as you’re comparing yourself to someone else. Being kind and true to who you are – to your unique thoughts, ideas, actions, and beliefs – is as important as being kind and honest to others.

12. Stop Being Ungrateful

No matter how bad you have it, someone will be worse off; no matter how good you have it, someone will be doing better. Gratitude allows you to focus on what you do have instead of what you don’t. It gives you the confidence to appreciate what’s around you and the poise to pay attention to details you might overlook. Any time you need a boost, take an inventory of all the great things you have.

1. Go Out of Your Way to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Confidence comes from taking risks. When you take a chance and get positive results, it proves you are capable. Wins turn into empowerment. Don’t let the fear of discomfort failure make you frightened to try – be bold and take the risks you need to be successful.

2. Adopt a Positive Outlook & A Noble Cause.

Spend as much time as you need to find the good in life. Consider what is meaningful; think about what you want to achieve and how you are going to achieve it. Look for things that inspire and motivate you. Most of all, adopt a positive outlook and stay connected to a noble cause. Confidence soars when you embark on a mission with an honourable purpose – and if you look around, you’ll realise that those among us who live purposefully and seek out ways to serve others are the most content.

3. Get Up One More Time Than You Have Fallen

You demonstrate confidence every time you fall down and have the tenacity to get back up – from knowing how to learn from problems and mistakes, let them go, and move on, whether it happens once or a hundred times.

4. Become as Well Informed as You Can

School yourself on current events and general information – make a point of filling whatever gaps exist in your knowledge so you can build a broad perspective. Being knowledgeable gives you the confidence to contribute meaningfully to conversations and planning as well as benefit your creative thinking too.

5. Don’t Let Perfectionism Stop You From Trying

Perfection is the enemy of success. When you have feel you have to be perfect, it’s easy to become locked up with enough fear that you don’t even try. Instead, satisfy yourself by doing your best work and having confidence in its value.

6. Always Look The Part to Feel More Assured

Make subtle changes to empower yourself through the way you dress, your body language, and even in the way you speak. Taking small steps toward displaying your confidence can help you strengthen it. That doesn’t mean trying to be something you’re not, but showing yourself and others your own unique and talented self.

7. Trust Your Instincts, Go With Your gut

You know more than you think, so learn to trust the inner voice that says, “You can do this.” When that trust is absent, the resulting void keeps you from achieving all that you’re capable of. Trust yourself and you’ll know how to succeed.

8. Don’t Let The Past Dictate Your Future

Your level of confidence is set in part by how you’ve dealt with past struggles. Much of the difference between those who are confident and those who are not lies in how they carry their past. Learn from struggle and make it part of you, and then move forward believing that you are credible, smart, and worthy of success. Show the same compassion to yourself as you do to others.

In short, be positive, be true and forgiving with yourself, be grateful. If you can stretch yourself to cultivate positivity, tenacity, and trust in yourself, you will find a deep well of confidence to lead you in whatever you choose to undertake.

That’s the recipe for building self-confidence.

About the Author: Amir Hussein

Founder & Master of Occasions at InAnyEvent London. I am on a mission to generate ripples that are felt in the ocean of social culture, and create an eternal legacy of impossibly perfect events that make your everyday ordinary, extraordinary.

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